Wednesday, January 7, 2009
if i caN eNduRe, i'll be okay........
SiNce i meNtioNed gRaduatiNg iN 5 moNths, i guess i should actually staRt talkiNg about that. i have beeN {applyiNg to colleges} these past few moNths to utah state aNd also to byui. i'll also be staRtiNg aN applicatioN to idaho state uNiveRsity soon. i haveN't had my bishops meetiNg oR my stake pResideNts meetiNg to fiNish off my applicatioN, so we aRe just waitiNg oN usu Right Now. i am haviNg a haRd time {makiNg a decisioN} oN if i eveN waNt to go to those schools, oR which oNe i'm Really lookiNg foRwaRd to atteNdiNg if i get iN. i seRiously am haviNg so much {stRess aNd coNflict} about how i am goiNg to be able to cope with my life. i will be oN my owN aNd i will have No moNey at all. of couRse i will get a job, but it just {sucks}. i feel like i doN't kNow aNythiNg about life, oR how to deal with Real {gRowN-up} thiNgs......like bills. ha ha. it's silly to thiNk that my paReNts haveN't doNe theiR job with teachiNg me thiNgs like this. because i'm suRe that they have. they pRobably thought i would leaRN fRom my oldeR sisteRs aNd bRotheR. well.....i haveN't but i am staRtiNg to {tRust} moRe iN my heaveNly fatheR. i keep woNdeRiNg how my life could get so bad, aNd theN i Realize this is oNly the begiNNiNg of my life. this is just {oNe chapteR} iN eteRNity. i feel so selfish foR woNdeRiNg this because i actually have it betteR thaN a lot of people. especially the pioNeeRs. i kNow foR a fact that i am Not stRoNg eNough to do the thiNgs that they did, oR eveN {eNduRe} the loNg walk acRoss the plaiNs. i am SO thaNkful foR the thiNgs that i have, aNd the opportuNities that i have, aNd hope to come acRoss as i tRek thRough {my owN jouRNey} thRough eteRNity.
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2 comments:
Syd...that was really deep! I know mom and dad have given you the tools to survive on your own, just as they have with all of us. Growing up and moving on (and out of the house) is part of the 'circle of life.'. It is also a huge part of free agency and choice and accountability. We are all so lucky because we have eachother to lean on and learn from. I love you Sydney. Just remember to ask for help, from family as well as heavenly father, and it will all me okay! Learn from your mistakes, and know they make you who you are!
ditto with what brittany said...and just take it one day at a time. give it to God. he will be the only thing that can carry you through it all. its a GREAT ride. the highs and lows will get higher and lower but hang on because you'll get to look back and say, "AWESOME! i did it! and im stronger for it!" life is good and God is so good. Love you girly. YOU'll do GREAT!!!!
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